Love May Conquer

Recently we attended a wedding shower for a newly married couple. What struck me about this was how in love they were, they glowed with it. The feeling was shared in different forms around the room with friends and other loved ones. It was a wonderful, affirming, joyous occasion.

Looking back a dozen years it would have been inconceivable for these two women to even consider marrying one another. In fact, it would have been illegal in many states. Eight years ago it miraculously began to seem possible as states started to legalize gay marriage. Gradually more and more of our gay and lesbian friends were able to marry the love of their lives. I wept with happiness at every announcement from friends of their loving unions in marriage. About four years ago it became legal nationally, and even in the South our friends could finally marry. So much so fast. Love can triumph.

I have difficulty understanding the fear and hate that is still spewed, not only against LGTB persons, but also against women, people of color, and even poor people. After all it is the 21st century. Sadly, there is a sub-culture of hate which has persisted as a powerful undercurrent in American society. The hate and fear persist to today, and corrupt our churches and our politics. How else explain the plethora of laws, in the name of a debased God, which still target gays and transsexuals. Or the laws attacking women’s health care, and controlling their bodies. Or the laws which disenfranchise the poor. Or the laws which essentially criminalize being black.

It makes me furious when kind and loving friends are portrayed as pedophiles and perverts just because they are gay. Now my wonderful trans friends are accused of wanting to assault girls in public bathrooms! The fearmongering and hatemongering do have old roots. Consider the long established practices of labeling feminists as men-hating castrators, and of describing black men as super-predators. I would not want to live my life filled with fear and hate. No wonder so many of these people want to carry guns around, they are afraid of everything.

Perhaps I had an advantage living most of my life in cities, big cities. I was exposed to a diverse mix of people of different religions (or none), different races, and different sexualities. You get to know them as people: co-workers, neighbors, and friends. It’s hard to hate the gay colleague at work whose sense of humor makes a long day feel so much shorter. Likewise, one can only have the greatest respect for the Muslim taxi driver who spends 45 minutes driving around looking for you, meanwhile losing fares, because you left an expensive camera in his cab. Plus, how does the feminist who is a mini-van driving soccer mum fit the negative stereotype in any way?

I suspect that exposure to people who are different from us will reduce the fear and hate. So my suggestion for us straight white males is go hang out with a self-proclaimed feminist, if you don’t already know one, and then listen to her without interrupting. Go meet a black man, if none of your friends are, and just listen to him with respect. Go find someone who is lesbian, or gay, or transgender, and…oh just give them a hug. Ah, that’s it. I declare today Hug a Bear day. Spread the love.